Life imitates art.

For my birthday, I treated myself to the DVD of Monty Python, series 1. So far I have only watched one episode, but I particularly remember Arthur (Two Sheds) Jackson, as the routine was also on the first Monty Python Album.

Fast forward a week. Our lawn mower has now passed on and gone to Mower Heaven (The big cage at the tip) and we have decided on a petrol one. The trouble is, with an engine, we can't just hang it up on a nail like the old one.

So, we find ourselves at Sheds-R-Us on the ring road. We settled on a "Glory Box" similar to this one.

(Glory Box has a straight-forward definition, whilst a Glory Hole could be one of several things, not all tasteful).

We already have a shed, though, a Wendy House quite a bit smaller than this one, which is for playing in


Suddenly, the irony hits. I've become Ian (Two Sheds) Grey. Do I write the blog in the shed?...

I couldn't resist it...

(See the writing on the wall).

Armed and extremely dangerous

Today we had a short trip into Leeds to visit the Royal Armouries. I didn't take a photo of the outside but this was in the gift shop (you could buy those swords).

The entrance is a bit messy at present as there is a lot of building work going on.

The foyer space is tall and narrow, giving the impression of a lofty space.

David is admiring the iconic hall of steel tower, which is also the main stairway.

His view:

I'll let the photos tell their own story.














Alas- David's favourite exhibit was missing in action.

Our local election is getting nasty:

More on this over at MorleyGate.

The writing on the wall...

Somewhere in the world you can leave messages on a wallboard and then see them with a Webcam. In this bloke's living room.

I wonder if it distracts him watching the telly?

(Maybe he never watches the telly- he has a carcam as well.)

Hat tip: The Splund.

A ROUND TUIT

I've just got around to taking a procrastination test after putting it off for more important tasks (removing belly button fluff, watching YouTube vids, researching the history of Doileys).

When you get an opportunity, you can take it here, but first you need to sharpen your pencils and arrange your DVDs into zen tantric order.



(I scored a rather respectable 25%, although I may have lied, of course!)

Hat tip: Ian Lidster and Stosyth Parish Council (wherever that is) for the Tuit.

The Producers

We went to see Peter Kay at Manchester Palace today.

Alighting in Piccadilly Gardens, we were pleased to see they are gardens again, although the grass was fenced off to give it a chance. There was also this tree-like sculpture...

And these rather public Gents toilets! (Saturday specials?)

The show was in Manchester Palace theatre, a very large 1891 two balcony variety house (currently 1998 seats) and the better of the two sisters (paired with the Opera House a short walk away).

I snapped these interval & after-show shots to show the scale of the place. A bit shaky without a tripod but that would have been an invitation to be evicted!



The show was very funny and Peter Kay made some great ad-libs. On being asked if he'd direct the show, he paused and said..."I've just bought an allotment...".

Well recommended and the Springtime for Hitler song & dance routine is cringe makingly hysterical!

Know your neighbour

Bradford University school of lifelong learning and development are running a Civic and Community event today.

Gypsies and Travellers have been resident in the UK for over 500 years. What do we really know about these communities who have been our neighbours for so long?

Programme
09.45 Registration
10.00 Brief History of Gypsies and Travellers including who are they?
10.30 Question and answer session
11.00 Break
11.30 Gypsy and Traveller Culture
12.30 Quiz
13.00 Lunch
14.00 Answers and comments
14.45 Do Mang Mandi DVD
15.00 Break
15.15 Travellers today
16.00 Question and answer session
16.30 End

I think "Do Mang Mandi" means "You tell me" but there isn't much on Google.

I'm not going to the event, I'm not that interested and it all sounds horribly politically correct.

My own experience of Gypsies/travellers is reasonably benign, limited to being sold lucky heather and being in a car that was kicked by a drunken one after a Councillor got out to read an lamppost enforcement notice.

I've heard some horror stories though, including from senior police officers.

(I was once at a public meeting where a District Commander was forcefully making a point that illegal action would not be tolerated. She referred to them as Gypsies throughout and had actively encouraged the farmer whose field they were trespassing in to get his tractor and muck spreader out. She was berated by some lefty Councillor for her callousness and how the problem was with her, not them. She replied that she didn't care what trendy name, label or excuse was used, criminal behaviour made them criminals and they needed to be dealt with firmly).

Friday/Saturday night live

I loved that show, I used to watch it religiously during the 80s, live if I was a dirty stopin, or I'd set the V2000 video recorder and watch it when I got back.

It has been released on DVD and I was expecting it any day. However, I just checked "where's my stuff?" and it was wrapped up with some other orders that won't go for a few weeks yet. (Now remedied!)

Here are some snippets from Saturday night live:

Weekend music &/or comedy treat

Technophobia

My MP tells me that his website is no longer live and does not accept messages.

DOH!

DUH...

What he actually means is that he is no longer updating it and ignores any messages.

...and we want to give these fools £10,000 a year to get more online?

I've a better idea, and it will only cost £8.02 each. (The first ten words!)

You can see his letter over at Morleygate.

Please extinguish all smoking materials & substances*

Yesterday, I received a letter addressed to the Managing Director of Delicolor Ltd. (That would be me then**). In it was a letter from the NHS telling me all about the forthcoming smoking Ban, what actions I must take and what the financial consequences were for non-compliance. They thoughtfully sent me some sample stickers and a shiny brochure explaining (some of) the subtleties of the scheme which relates to all work places, including Company Vehicles.

After reading it, I have come to the conclusion that it is a petty, vindictive, nasty, illiberal, nannyish and downright intrusive piece of legislation, even if it is "for our own good".

Leave it to market forces, I say. It is up to business owners to decide on this, not bureaucrats***.

(Search "smoking ban" on google and look at a sample of market forces down the right. The laws of unintended consequences are always driven by inventive initiative).

P.S. None of the Grey family smokes, and we avoid situations where we have to suffer it. That doesn't mean we support collectivist regulation though.

Footnotes:

(* Title as heard by a London Transport Employee with a Megaphone at Earls Court Tube station after a Pink Floyd Concert- it got a big laugh by the aging psychadelic crowd)

(** Delicolor Ltd was dissolved in 2000 after I returned to full time employment in 1999 but the Government still write to me as Managing Director, a sign of extreme incompetence in their record keeping. Is this an organisation we want to trust with a National ID register?)

(*** Bureaucrat: an official who works by fixed routine without exercising intelligent judgment.)

Lolly update

I forgot to put up the results of this weekend competition from a week or two ago.

Lolly types and favourites from left to right:

Nobbly Bobbly- Ian
Maxibon- Karen
FAB- David

All made by Nestle'. (Pronounced Nest Lay these days, Ness Ulls when I was a kid- Ness Ulls Milky Bar. )

Doghouse update

Monday- Asserted ownership of smeggy lunchbag to avoid future confusion- +ve
Spray painted fence wearing white shirt (now speckled brown & not washing out despite supposedly being water based- -ve
Tuesday- Bought Maxibons at ASDA- +ve
Fixed Iron +++ve

Couch no longer a bed!

There it was... gone!

One of the more entertaining reads around the political blogosphere was ukiphome.com.
An unofficial site, it did, however, present a more libertarian view of independence, rather than a Tory eurosceptic one. (What Iain dale amusingly called "barking mad").

It also became apparent, however, that the site was in a bit of a political vacuum and many of the ukiphome stuff wasn't on the UKIP site.

Recently, it was suggested that it would be scaling down but not until after the elections. Then suddenly, over the weekend, it was gone. Extinct, bereft of life, it rests in peace.


Checking on the main UKIP site, however, diddly squat, no forums, no mention.

Iain Dale blogged about it and started some rumours. The author, one Chad Noble, has refuted the rumours, but there is a strong smell of fish in the air.

Read the posting & comments HERE.

Another good (Eurosceptic) site has been stagnant for nearly six months now. It seems the Spanish Inquision may have got to the Professor.

UPDATE: UKIPHOME has come over all Clockwork Orange.

The Plesh

Someone who knows our love of theme parks sent us this link to a great YouTube '20s silent film footage of the Blackpool Pleasure Beach.



The main site link is http://www.themagiceye.co.uk/minicine.html

(Cheers, Paul)

Random images of St Georges day

Wartime britain

Traditional Punch & Judy

An appreciative audience

The Home Guard

Hook a duck

Caring for the environment

What a tasteful logo!

Look! Dragon crime!

The culprit?

Probably that one is the culprit.

Colin the Dragon ready to do battle

The Fletcher. Sword sharpened Sir?

Morley Yokels


A real barrel organ. Never video in portrait mode...

Yes, those beer bottles really were tuned as a chrysoglott.

In the Dog House

This morning, I managed to leave the house with Karen's packed lunch. I'd made mine and moved the cars, during which time she made hers and put it on the couch where I absently picked it up.

They are identical blue bags. The only (minor) difference is that hers is pristine and mine is rather smeggy.

I'll let you know when I'm no longer sleeping on the couch.

Happy (English non) holiday!

Corporate Presenter asks how we will be celebrating St Georges day.

I'll be at work. Although we do have a part-time Viking joining us for tea tonight.

(Not him, he is a Pub landlord with a liking of Mail & Plate).

Hair shirts

Companies enjoy giving away low cost freebies like pens, T shirts and gadgets. It is good business sense: the prospective customer feels like they have got themselves something for nothing, the business gets their name spread around and their brand as well.

It is a thin line between a gift and a bribe of course, but unless you are a Company Director then the monetary value is generally low.

However, branding plays a role in the desirability. In 1988, I joined CCT Theatre Lighting, a good brand (number 2 in the market), well respected in the professional sector and thought of as a cool company. Shortly after I joined, they acquired Furse Theatre Products, a company well respected in the educational sector but with a poor image on the pro side, due to some rather duff ranges of products in the 60s & 70s.

Consequently, we did a big promotion at Riverside Studios (actually in a Pub down the road from the trade show) and had loads of T shirts made which proved very popular. I was visiting a theatre a few weeks later and the electrician asked if we had any left. "Sorry", I said, "We've run out of CCT ones, but we have plenty of Furse ones left." Pause. "Oh-kay." he said. "I could always wear it for get-ins, or maybe when I'm cleaning out the Pit or the Roof Void."

We often get giveaway stuff from our suppliers at work, particularly if we've bought something from them. The creativity waxes and wanes (the oddest item I received was a dolls house size office furniture set and the most useful was a monitor mirror). I was given a T shirt during the week, on condition that it appeared on Shades. It looked huge on David, unstylish on Karen and downright unpleasant on me.

However, there was a solution... the dog.


(No dogs were harmed in the production of this blog entry).

Chasing the dragon

Well, the weather (mostly) held for the St. Georges annual Parade and Festival. It was well attended and the parade was bigger than ever.

Two bits of camera video footage below. The first is the parade passing the town hall.



The second is of the dragon slaying, which didn't go quite as planned, but pretty much as I expected. (Kids will be kids).


(The mayhem begins when the count down reaches about fourty seconds).

PS The commentator is Charlie Chuckles from Chorley FM

Earth day

I use Google as my Firefox startup page, mainly to show that the broadband is up & the wireless is working when I turn on the computer. Google take pleasure in tweaking their logo to align with events (shamrocks on St. David's day etc.) and I was surprised to see icebergs this morning.


Curious, I thought. These icebergs break the rule of ninths: most of them should be underwater. What are they celebrating, I wondered? the shock news that the snow-capped mountains of Kilimanjaro aren't melting despite the wolf-like cries of the enviro-facists? It couldn't be the sinking of the Titanic, that was April 15th.
Being curious, I clicked the image and it brought up searches for Earth Day.

It seems that earth day is a religious holiday, the day that the high priests of the cult of environmentalism lambast us for breathing. The faithful fast by unplugging their appliances then go out in their Toyota Hybrids and hug trees.

Am I bovvered?

Well, like most normal, non-extreme people who want to get on with their lives without government interference, I want my Son to grow up in a world that provides all the opportunities (& more) that I had. However, the enviro-fascist movement is unpleasantly authoritarian, judgemental and regressive. Having to live in a Yurt and travelling everywhere on a milk float doesn't meet my idea of progress.

I'm extremely skeptical about much of the hot air spouted by the Al Gores of the world, it is a bandwagon that politicians, control freaks and sandal wearers seem delighted to jump onto. Hopefully the wheels are going to come off big-time in a popular backlash some time soon.

We do need to solve some serious energy challenges, of course, as dependency on petro-chemicals is a bad idea for two reasons- pollution and having to pay the despots who have most of the oil. However the answer will be solved by technology rather than returning to the dark ages advocated by the watermelons.

Last week, to my surprise, I was invited to represent our IT department on a senior working group related to green issues and corporate responsibility. My first response was that as I was an envirosceptic, I was probably the least suitable person as I wouldn't buy in to anything that was simply posturing without sound reasons to do it. The reply gave me hope, however. I was advised that such views actually made me the most suitable person, being both pragmatic, sceptic and realistic. We shall see!

Sultan of strings

Last night I took a trip over to Halifax, prompted by Tom Paine's visit to the Albert Hall at Easter. He travelled 1,500 miles, my journey was more like fifteen.

I didn't get to see Show of Hands but I did join 100 or so others to see half of them (or more accurately, two thirds), Phil Beer and Miranda Sykes. (There was a third musician, Jackie Oates who opened the show and was joined by Phil Beer later on).

Phil is a hugely talented fiddle player and he managed to turn his hand to several other strung instruments as will, including a Ukelele with an interesting history. He is very relaxed and amiable both on-stage and off. As well as mainstream folk, he also sang blues, some Little Feat (the celebrated trucking song, Willin'), Billy Joel and even some Tom Lehrer. Later on, with Miranda, they did a splendid version of Still Crazy after all these years.

Miranda was a surprise- I knew she had striking red hair but I didn't expect it to be dyed and spiky- what we used to call "Chunky Punky" in Coventry in the 70s. We didn't see her other than when she was onstage, whereas Phil and Jackie were at the merchandise table afterwards.

The venue was the Square Chapel centre for the arts, a building that I had seen numerous times whilst working in Halifax but knew little about. It is what the theatrical sector call a 'found' space, not a theatre but used successfully as one. The chapel dates back to 1772 and was unique in having massive (for the time) roof spans. (Potted history here). I have never felt that churches make particularly good theatres, (although they are buildings for performance just as much as for worship) and square chapel is essentially a 60' square flat floor hall with pull-out tiered seating. The shock though, is the decoration- the place looks almost decrepid, with eroded plasterwork, exposed bricks and a missing ceiling. The reality, however, is that the building was seriously close to collapsing until in 1988 it was rescued by a trust, the elements kept out and gradually preserved.

As a studio space, it has a perimeter track with black stage drapes, however this evening they had chosen to expose the walls and windows. Consequently, we had a great view of Beacon Hill as dusk descended. The pilasters had been fully restored at the back of the stage but in various stages of arrested decay around the walls. Each wall had five bays with tall arched windows, the centre wider bay having a venetian window. On the side walls (the ones that supported the roof beams) an extra beam over the wider bay was supported by a massive rough stone lintel (with all the pick marks) , exposed after the weather washed away the lime plaster. An informative display in the stair lobby gave a good visual and textual background of the rise, fall and rise again.

Whilst reasonably equipped for sound and lighting, the building is somewhat of a compromise. (Multi-purpose rooms always are unless they have vast amounts of technology to alter the actor-audience relationship). There are two awkward staircases either side of the (notional) stage, the get-in is up an outside metal staircase (with a 90 degree bend), the toilets are inadequate for intervals, there is only one dressing room and the maximum building fire limit is 280 so the bigger the cast, the smaller the audience.

Having said that, it has a very pleasant downstairs bar, keen volunteer staff, a lively programme and ambitious plans for expansion.

...and what about the audience? Sorry Tom, they just seemed pretty ordinary to me, no sandals, not many beards, no "I'm a socialist" T shirts. I did briefly talk to someone who had been down at the Albert but he was just someone who liked Folk and wasn't political. Maybe my sensitivity radar isn't as highly sensitive as Toms, or perhaps the Guardian isn't as popular in Yorkshire.

Dragon slaying

morley is big on St. george these days. Not because of the BNP side of it, but by a keen group of older activists keen to celebrate it as a piece of English culture.

I think this is the third event and it gets bigger every year...


Here are the events. David is particularly looking forward to slaying the dragon, as are many of the Morley school children.


Only one possible hitch- the BBC weather is ominous:


Sunday

Sunrise 05:50 (BST)
Sunset 20:17 (BST)
Sunday's predominant weather is forecast to be light showers.

16°C

10°C

Sunday's wind direction: South Westerly Wind.12
moderate 1018 52
Sunday's sun index risk: Low.

So, it could possibly be a washout. Fingers crossed.

Meet the mother in law...

Yikes!

I'd seen one of these photos on a blogpower blog but there are more doing the rounds.

I bet she'd raise a few eyebrows down in Redcar...

More evocative music

In an entirely unrelated search for something related to Telephone Exchange Frame wiring, I stumbled on a site that recalls the Tyne Tees start-up tune, known as the Three Rivers Fantasy. Follow the link and there is a link to the MP3 underneatht he test card, as well as a link to a page about the composer, Arthur Wilkinsoon.

Fascinating stuff what you can find on t'internet!

David is a Trekkie!

...although the novelty is starting to wear off. He was watching it every day on satellite earlier in the year and we bought the "trouble with tribbles" video off ebay as he didn't want to wait for half way through season two next year with the current newsagent fortnightly collecors series.

This made me chuckle.

The Buggles...

I associate the Buggles with late 1979 and the market town of Abingdon, my first field stint as a phone system installer.

As well as Video killed the radio star, they also had a lesser hit with Elstree.

I had never seen the video- until now. It is off VHS and the very start (action!) and end (cut!) are lost, but it is still a treat.

Alternative Pubs, alternative pastimes

How do you find out where the gay scene is if that is your inclination? Nowadays, it is straight forward, you buy Gay News or search on the Internet.

Of course, thirty years ago, everyone quietly knew where they were through received wisdom, either to seek out or to avoid (or if you were a total brainless nobhead, to go and cause trouble in). In Newcastle, the Pineapple in Eldon Square was well known, although the terminology wasn't politically correct then, it was "Where the Puffs gan." In Coventry, it was a Pub in the High Street which had the same name as another one out of town (which probably caused some confusion) - The Rose & Crown.

I got involved with some theatrical types in a campaign to save the Coventry Theatre in the 70s and was invited into the R & C one lunchtime. I didn't quite know what to expect and was a bit wary but was relieved to find that it was just like any other pub, although possibly with better hanging baskets (with pansies in, irony at its best!)

In subsequent places I have lived, I haven't really known (or cared) where the gay pubs where. However, there is (or rather, was) a steam room/sauna up the road from our work called "Rimmers" that was the butt of some jokes, on the basis of the name and allusions to "tossing the salad" (don't click if you'd rather not know!) I say was, because there was a huge fire in that block and the buildings are now burnt out shells, in the process of being demolished.

Anyhoo, someone from work found a leaflet blowing in the street advertising Rimmers Gay Sauna & Steam so there was some substance to the jokes. Whilst rimming isn't an exclusively gay pastime, it is probably assumed to be from the Little Britain Daffyd Thomas sketches.

It turns out that the Sun Inn next door is a gay fun pub with accommodation and that survived the fire. (It seems that Rimmers had already closed previously). I never knew it was a gay pub before seeing it in the local paper and why would I? It is rather drab looking and there are no obvious clues.

It seems everyone else knew but me though, received wisdom strikes again...

Evocative Music

When I was at Primary School in the Infants, I used to get picked up to go down to my Grandma Grey's House on Silver Lonnen. I'd be sat down in front of the telly on a small wooden form and given a bowl of soup with some bread. The soup was invariably Tomato or Oxtail.

Back in the 60's the Telly didn'a actually start until late afternoon and if I was in sharp I'd watch the Tyne Tees Television Test Card and listen to the long theme tune (which was a bit like the Radio 4 tune with Geordie songs like The Keel Row and Bobbie Shaftoe.)

Eventually the programmes would start and Robinon Crusoe always seemed to be on. The music takes me straight back to that house. Here is a seven minute YouTube with all the main themes, followed by the opening titles and then a compilation.

Modern Pelicans

Back in 1969, Pelican Crossings were introduced into the UK. They were shown incessantly on the telly by a well known public information film starring the voice of Deryck Guyler.

I didn't find the footage in the National Archives, but I did find a good Precis of it here. (You all come back now, you hear!)

Unfortunately, the brave new world of Pelican crossings are more high tech but low on usability. Take this one in Bradford which is probably a Hybrid Puffin...

It uses LEDs so is energy efficient, with a large-ish red circle instead of the normal WAIT words on the push button box. It has motion sensors at the top of the pole facing down and across the crossing so it can tell if you are still there. However, it doesn't beep any more and there aren't red/green men at the top of the pole where you are crossing to.

This one does have some sort of indicator at the top of the pole, but it is facing away from the road.

It isn't entirely clear what it is, as it happens, and...

...as it is facing a car park it appears to serve no purpose whatsoever.

You can imagine it though, some Council jobsworth saying "The spec says 14 units and I can only count 13. I don't care if it isn't connected, there is meant to be an anunciator at the top of that pole."

Spring in Morley

This afternoon, David and I wandered down to Scatcherd Park in the Town Centre after picking him up. It is looking well cared for and very colourful.

You can see how close it is to the town centre- this is Queen Street leading up to the Town Hall.

This park also has the war memorial and is a splendid setting with a natural ampitheatre.

The Memorial silhouetted in the glare of the afternoon sun...

...and David put this plinth to good use!

The park continues up the hillside towards the former Morley Hall.

The flag has been raised in anticipation of St. Georges day on Monday, which will be celebrated in style on Sunday.

People make places

I have rambled on about those wonderful entertainment venues of my formative years. Let us not forget the people who made them, as otherwise buildings have no purpose.

At the City Hall, I have mentioned Moose, before, or as he preferred to spell it, MØØse. He had set up camp in the electrical intake room behind the Manager's office with all sorts of strange musical gadgets and improvised circuits, which he collectively referred to as MØØseCrap. He had a girlfriend called Marie and claimed to be an american (although I was told by others later that he was actually from Jesmond). He de-camped from the electrical intake room to the former projection room which had a bit more space but was a long way to go to answer the back door when the bells rang. Moose left rather suddenly in early 1976 and was replaced by Colin Rowell.

Colin was a very amiable guy, with long curly hair, tinted glasses and a jovial manner. Colin had been the Manager of a musical instrument store in the West End owned by Lindisfarne's promoter, Barry McKay. (Barry could play the Organ and had done so at the City Hall for Christmas Concerts and the like). Colin had a side-kick called Neil Humphrey (or perhaps Pomphret?) and it was a joy to be on their team.

Colin had particular expertise with flatulence and used the catchphrase "I've dropped me lungs" after each virtuoso performance. After a year or so, this changed to "I've dropped me guts", as he was courting a young girl not too long out of school who must have advised him of what she had learned in biology lessons. In subsequent years, he met a smashing lass called Angela who was a lifeguard in the Baths next door and they were still together last time I saw him in the early '90s.

Colin & Neil had a great banter and one of Neil's little singing ditties was:

"I'll lever forget...
the night that we met...
...the back of the Raby"

(The Raby was an extremely rough Pub in Byker, to the east of Newcastle).

They also had a range of joke chat-up lines, like "Gizasniffofyourfrontbumpet" and "Geddahadamenob". They only used them within the crew, however, as the pulling power was zero! One catch phrase that I still use is "Bozee Speakahs" (prounounced Bow (like grow) Zee Spee Cars"when they had heard some drunk punter admiring a Bose PA system down at the Assembly Rooms on the keyside. (Bose is pronounced like Rose).

I also have to mention Bob Brown, the Manager of the venue who put me straight on a lot of the realities of the business. He looked after several venues that the Council owned and had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about Freemasons running the Council. (He was old enough to have seen all of the T-Dan Snmith and Poulson scandals tearing the elected memebrs apart over the previous decade). He had an office in the Civic Centre (The T-Dan Smith memorial) and had ambitious plans to build a world class Concert hall to replace the City Hall and Baths Complex but he died in the late 70s.

Bob's Wife used to help out in the Box Office and his Son worked the lighting control- until he had an affair with the high wire girl from Circus Hoffman and he ran off with her. This is how I ended up getting the job, so have the circus to thank for that...

Down at the Royal, Ernie Savage was an excellent house electrician and admired by the touring community all over the UK for his capability and helpfulness. (I still meet people who speak highly of him). He had originally worked at the Newcastle Empire with Andy Kent and they both transferred to the Royal when it had a vintage Strand Electric Grand Master control located on a platform stage left. (As a boy, I can remember gazing through the Dock doors fascinated by this ironmongery). They had a little room in the bowels of the building (next to the boilerhouse which was also their duties, of course) but they also spent quite a lot of time over the road in The Adelphi, the Stage Door Tap. (They both once took me down to a CIU club down towards the river, drinking in clubs being much more amiable (and affordable) than City Centre Pubs. Sadly, whilst I was at college, Ernie had an accident, falling off a tallescope (an extendible ladder access system), injuring his back and being off work for a long time. He came back to light duties but died unexpectedly shortly afterwards. he is sadly missed.

Andy went on to be Chief and I visited him in the late 90s, when he was near retirement. He also died a couple of years into his actual retirement, the all too frequent sad fate of active men who lose their purpose.

On a lighter note I went to see Snow White (starring Dana) with my mum in the late 70s when I was back from college once and we went into the Adelphi for a pre-show drink. I was surprised by the large number of "persons of restricted growth" in the bar, but when I counted them and noticed that there were actually seven, I guessed correctly that they were in the cast!

Heavy Bluegrass

A decade ago, I saw a novelty Australian Bluegrass Band in Galway. They were from Oz and were called Sensitive New Age Cowpersons.

From the festival website:

Four Australian cowpokes who suffuse bluegrass,country and other types of roots music with solid dollops of wit and japery, the Sensitive New Age Cowpersons skewer all the cliches of country while cooking up a sizzling dish of red-hot bluegrass. They sing the most unlikely songs in the most inappropriate styles and, thanks to brilliant musicianship and comic genius, pull it off every time. They cover everything from AC/DC to Elvis to Hendrix and offer up their own post-modern, ideologically sound country songs too.

They did a great set and at one point even riffed along to some mobile phone interference breaking through on the PA.

I must have overly waxed lyrical about it because Karen recently bought me Hayseed Dixie-Let there be Rockgrass. for my Birthday. (You can hear a couple of tracks here).

Sorry Hayseeds, SNAC were better...

(If you've got itunes, click here to visit the Australian itunes store and hear 30 second snippets from their "other people's greatest hits" album.

My favourite spiritual homes

#1 is Newcastle Theatre Royal,
#2 is Newcastle City Hall, and...
#3 is Newcastle Paramount Theatre.

Blog posts here & here, buckets of photos, here, here and here.

A right Royal show...

This is a snapshot of a rather splendid (local artist) print of the Theatre Royal in Grey Street, Newcastle, that my parents bought me as a Christmas present in the 80s. It is of great sentimental value to me as it is one of my favourite buildings, another "Matchless Matcham" Masterpiece. It hangs in the lounge and has been in all of my houses in pride of place. Let me tell you why it has such special memories to me.

I took a break from my rock & roll venue crew lifestyle in late December 1975 to have a go in live Theatre. It wasn't a great loss to Rock & Roll- we had a resident Circus (starring Planet of the Apes, no less!) at the City Hall. (I found a poster on ebay- not from Newcastle but the same show!)


I was well known at Newcastle Royal to Ernie Savage (the chief LX) and Andy Kent (the Deputy), having called there intermittently since I had been 14 to scrounge gel (colour filter) and get tantalising tours backstage. I bumped into them in town one day just after school had broken up and they offered me a casual job as a showman, OP (Opposite Prompt, i.e. Stage Right) Electrician for the Panto. The show was Robinson Crusoe and the headline act was Mike & Bernie Winters (& Schnorbitz, of course).

The show itself was a really easy one to work, with only half a dozen cues. In act one, I was handed a plug from Ernie straight after a pyro flash had gone off, had to coil the cable up, step out onto the stage and hand it to the PS (prompt side- i.e. stage left) electrician behind the ship set. I always got a kick out of this- I could see all of the audience in the auditorium (on four levels) but they couldn't see me as they had been momentarily dazzled by the flash going off.

For the second half, an old wing mounted spotlight (a Strand Electric Pageant) was focussed for cross lighting then later on it was re-focussed (& re-coloured) onto some treasure for the pre-Finalé scene. I remember nearly coming a cropper one show by moving the light a bit too early before the stagehands had cleared one of the 18' flats (side wing scenery pieces) when we got in each other's way. There wasn't much room stage right and I was just being overly keen.

Being on the payroll was a transformation- previously I had been a nuisance to the doorman, now I was waved in and got to sign the staff book. We were technically meant to be in the building by "the half" (which is 35 minutes before showtime) but in practise they could cope as I was subject to the vagrancy of the buses.

By theatrical illusions were shattered on the second day, however, when Ernie spied me in the half, gave me a plunger and asked me to go up to the Male Chorus Dressing room!

I was paid £1.97 for a Matinée and £2.02 for an evening performance- 5p for "anti-social hours. After about a week working the shows, the Number 3 came up to me about ten minutes into a show and asked "Can you work a Lime?". It turned out that one of the follow-sput operators had a death in the family and was on a compassionate leave.

My trip up to the stage left (audience right) gallery slips was a bit of a let down. Instead of a Patt 765 CSI as used in the City Hall, there was a rather old Patt. 93N complete with bakelite tumbler switch and a piece of card for dimming. I was told that I had to be aware of two things- I couldn't cover downstage left and the other lime couldn't cover downstage right so we needed to swap beams if the turns went right down there (e.g. to the stairs to rescue children for the singalongs). Other than that, there was only one scene where the limes needed to be tight- a ballet scene in front of a gauze where it was important to keep the beam off the gause to not spoil the transformation scene. We also needed to keep the limes off for the UV puppet scene, of course.

The benefirt of working front of house is that you get to see the show and working a big chunk of a season you get to see all the funny bits where the actors muck up and corpse. Before too long, I had to go back to school again (and the proper lime boy came back). However, I managed to do every Wednesday afternoon Matinée for the rest of the run as I had a free period (even if I had to sneak out of school and run for the bus!)

I was invited to a cracking end of run party at the Theatre and also an unofficial joint one with the cast & crew of the Sunderland Empire Panto (which was unfortunately a bit of a flop, even though Mike Winters turned up to support it).

Ernie suggested a casual job for me as relief board operator for Andy (working their hi-tech new MMS located in the Royal Box) but I had to supposedly knuckle down to my A levels, although I kept on working City Hall shows. Had I gone to Newcastle Poly as planned, that would probably have come to fruition, but that is another story.

P.S. David was hoping to meet Schnorbitz but he ended up meeting with Schnorbaby instead.

A trip to north Lincolnshire

Today we went here.
It had fairground style rides,

Tommy Tinkaboo's Sweet adventure, a water based cute dark ride with an annoyingly upbeat catchy tune,

A sea lion show,

A parrot show, where one of the performers decided to ad-lib and sit on Spongebob Squarepants in the front row,

Karen's favourite, A parachute drop ride...

With 6 drops, 2 missing and 2 not being used- big queue!

A mine train,

A variant on the Rotor (stick to the wall like flies)

The falls of fear- (Fear that you might have gone down that disconnected tube!)

My favourite- the Boomerang, a classic Vekoma ride. Pulled up one of the towers, then thunder through the inversions, followed by the same backwards.

A leisurely paddle boat ride on the lake,

David's favourite- the cycle monorail.

This is Alakazam and it is rather evil! Look at the riding position, reminiscent of Air at Alton Towers...

...but it does this and pulls lots of Gs. I came off dizzy!

It was a glorious day and even Cleethorpes looked worth a look on the way back home. (It doesn't on a dull day!)
The staff at Pleasure Island were all very friendly and the food was OK, although the service was a bit ropey.

We also saw a slightly dodgy show called the Musical Time Machine with six energetic singer/dancers. They had over the ear mouth mics- that went behind their heads and over the other ear- no transmitter pack, miming, just for show!

Bill & Ben

I noticed in the sunday paper that 80's strange flowerpot headed Group DEVO are still gigging.

A trip to Youtube brought up this...

and this...


Then through observation, half remembered conversations and tenuous connections...


(Three YouTubes- A hat trick!)

Super-villian/Super Hero Meme

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 70% Spider-Man 65% Iron Man 60% Superman 50% Robin 45% Supergirl 33% Catwoman 30% The Flash 25% Wonder Woman 23% Hulk 20% Batman 20%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...
Your results:
You are Dr. Doom

Dr. Doom 48% The Joker 38% Lex Luthor 38% Apocalypse 38% Riddler 36% Magneto 34% Mr. Freeze 34% Dark Phoenix 29% Kingpin 27% Green Goblin 24% Juggernaut 24% Venom 24% Catwoman 21% Mystique 20% Two-Face 16% Poison Ivy 14%

Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.

Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz


Hat tip- Last ditch (again).

It was the question "Are you a Fat Bastard?" tht swung it...

A Little Englander

I've decided to join several other Blogpowerers in the Witenagewotsit club, even though I don't know what the name means or how to pronounce it.

I have resisted it for a while as I have suspected it is exactly what EUrope wants on the road to Regionalisation- a fractured United Kingdom. However, there is a world of difference between breaking up the Union and kowtowing to the wishes of Brussels.

Fuckemisay, it is St. Georges day next week- it's my flag too and I want it back!

SAHB Delilah

Sensational Alex Harvey Band On the whistle test...

& on TV. Lousy camera production work but great performance nethertheless.

It got to 1' 20'' and I thought- isn't there a tiptoe routine from Zal and Chris coming up? And there was, followed by the bum routine.

Lousy followspot lighing though...

Tom Robinson Band - 2 4 6 8 Motorway

A cracking song that I must have bopped to at dozens of parties in my youth!

Glad to be Gay

I love benefit gigs, the sort that include music & comedy, with a good cause. I've only ever been to one (for the ambulance driver's strike held at the London Dominion , a lefty cause I didn't actually support) but over the years I bought all of the various Secret Policemen's Ball records & Vids for Amnesty International through the late 70s & 80s.

The show became so popular that two albums would be released, one for the music and the other for the comedy.

Needless to say, I was delighted to receive The secret Policeman's Ball complete edition box set for a Christmas present a year or two back. Having gradually watched it, however, it eventually occurred to me that it wasn't entirely complete- Tom Robinson had sung a rather fetching song about growing up, called 1967 (So long ago) which was missing. I checked my vinyl collection and couldn't find it there, either, so I must have loaned it to someone (or perhaps it was just on VHS).

I've vaguely kept an eye out for this song for a while now and finally hit pay-dirt- he sang it on his Cabaret '79 glad to be gay album. (Cheap on Amazon).

It arrived a few days ago and I've been enjoying it in the car. The album is indeed rather Gay, but enjoyable nonetheless, for both the observation of an alternative lifestyle and some of the powerful songs & lyrics.

His updated lyrics of Glad to be Gay '97 made me feel rather sad- for the intolerance we sometimes collectively show to people who choose to be different. A lot of things have changed but beneath that thin veneer of acceptance lurks the anger of discomfort.

Having worked on the fringes of the creative arts, I have met numerous people who have had alternative sexual lifestyles and I have found it an irrelevance to what I thought of them, good or bad. I find the high camp raving queen behaviour tiresome after over-exposure to it but I imagine that several of my friends are Gay. I don't particularly care, but I reserve the right to mock them for their lifestyle & beliefs if I feel the whimsy, something I happily do with all people I am close to.

1967 (so long ago)

Fighting with the kids on the fairground
Caravans and TV masts
Generating trucks and Alsatians
I never seen you run so fast
Picking through the litter left afterwards
For .22 shells in the grass
Found a pound note and a keyring
Martin, it's funny them days are past

Saturday flicks at the fleapit
When we had the money to go
Always on the side of the outlaws
And staying for the second show
Bonfires down at the bombsite
And watching the embers glow
Candles and cake in the dugout
Martin, it seems so long ago

1967... it seems so long ago
We were only eleven
It seems so long ago

Day return to Southend Central
Nanny's little treat on the train
Every year we sat on her blanket
And every year it started to rain
Eating apples off the allotments
And swapping cigarette cards
Lending Fat Freddy's train set
And treading on his restaurant car

1967... it seems so long ago
We were only eleven
It seems so long ago

Now I don't wanna give up football
And I don't wanna settle down
Maybe there's life after 25
But I don't feel like sticking around
I don't wanna work in a garage
I don't want my dreams to fold
Never want to have to stop laughing
Martin I'm terrified... of getting old

1967... seems so long ago
1967... it seems so long ago


P.S. I'm not Gay.


...but I've slept with someone who is!

(Gag stolen from Mike Elliott)

Lyrics & picture below lifted from Tom Robinson.com

Large green frog with balls...

(See Morleygate for details)

Complicated personality tests made easy

Your Personality is Very Rare (ESTP)

Your personality type is dominant, driven, poised, and self-aware. Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 6% of all men You are Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

I knew I was an ESTP from a Myers-Briggs test on a training week, although it took a huge (and expensive) Management analysis test with Professor Andrew Kakabadse and his team at Cranfield University twenty years ago rather than twelve questions!

Hat tip: Colin Campbell.

Spring = Summer

I've been tagged by CityUnslicker for the Sping=Summer Meme.

The three things I like about Summer:

-Being able to go out without coats, safe in the knowledge that it is a lovely warm day, not a cloud in the sky and it won't rain (apart from in Manchester).

-Beaches, gardens and theme parks are at their best.

-[Young Man] walking round Coventry at lunchtime admiring the Totty in their Summer togs
-[Middle Age] the end of driving into dazzling low sun in the late afternoon

Just to be an awkward cuss, here are three things I don't like about Summer-

-The incessant drone of lawnmowers
-The nauseous smell of barbecue lighting fluid
-Having to cut the grass every 42 hours

Revenge is sweet- I tag the three newest blogpowerers: Looking for a voice, Crushed by Ingsoc! and Zaftig.

Massaging Swarfega into the bottom area

I bet that title made you look!

This is one of the less delightful pleasures of having a Guinea Pig, they come equipped with a "Grease Gland" and need to be de-greased occasionally. Gizmo got his first wet hosedown today, using 4 oil shampoo- Lavender, Lemongrass, Patchouli and Tea Tree. (It is sourced from a qualified aromatherapist, dontcha know!)



He also has his own BaByliss Turbo Shine 2000, although he lets us use it as well...

Weekend Competition

Name the lollies, & match them to the Grey Family favourites.

(Inspired by Signora Limonchello)

The prize is one of each, sent second class post in a jiffy bag.*





(*Or maybe three lolly sticks in an envelope!)

By the way, this is my 501st post, I'm going through a weblerbose phase...

A near- coincidence...

Both Karen and I seperately and independently did a double-take when we saw the news story photos of the supply boat Bourbon Dolphin that was involved in a tragic accident yesterday.

This is because whilst we were travelling from Haugesund to Bergen on our Mini-Cruise last week, we thought we had seen the very same ship pass surprisingly close to us in the Fjord. We were sitting on the Port side near the windows and Karen pointed it out (as she was facing the Bows, myself the Stern). It was very distinctive looking and brightly lit in the dusk. I grabbed my camera and took a couple of snaps, but they came out very dark, grainy & blurry.

Here is a library picture of the Bourbon Dolphin, followed by my snapshot. Is it the same ship?



(I've not attempted to manipulate or enhance my image at all, it is native from the Camera.)

On closer examination, it is the same Class of ship, but not the Bourbon Dolphin. Note the white strips and name aft of the lifeboat to the rear of the superstructure on the ship we saw.

These supply vessels are the tugboats of the Ocean, big powerful engines, very resistant to bad weather and a lifeline for the rigs. (They circle the rigs all day and night for any eventuality). I can vividly remember seeing supplies being unloaded for the Statfjord B Flotel on my one trip offshore, it was like a bucking bronco for the crane operator and very dodgy for the crew trying to get the hooks onto the crates).

It is strange how some level of tenuous personal involvement focusses attention on the reality of any significant incident. Suddenly it becomes personal and you pay more attention...

City Hall Facilities...

I came across this technical spec for the City Hall and another tenuous glimpse at the coving where the roadie put his foot through. I have a few photos but I can't lay my hands on them at the moment.


There are 2,135 seats plus the choir stalls behind, if usable.

I notice it says power- 3 phase 200A, 3 phase 100A, 3 phase 30A, all onstage. In my time, we had a 30Amp supply onstage for the PA, the normal 100A lighting supply located towards the understage crossover passage and if needed, a 200A supply in the Managers office understage. (There was a 4" circular lined hole from stage level to pass the cables down). The supply was rather heath-robinson, a very large circuit breaker about 2' x 1' hung onto a door with large power cables looped over to the electrics and bolted directly onto the main intake busbars. (Shrouded, fortunately!)

There was only a 3 phase 300A supply for the entire building, including the swimming baths next door, so when Genesis came and wanted a 3 phase 500A supply, they had to arrange for a generator.

I never got to see Genesis, the first few months I didn't get to work every show as I obviously had to go to school during the week and not every band wanted follow-spot operators. From memory, I did work Wings, Supertramp, Darts, Status Quo, Eric Clapton, Barclay James Harvest, 10CC, Queen, Showaddywaddy, Gary Glitter, Blue Oyster Cult, Osibisa, Steve Harley, Brian Ferry, Rick Wakeman, Strawbs, Chi-Lites, Elton John, David Essex, Richie Blackmore's rainbow, Lindisfarne, Morecambe & Wise, Billy Connolly, Frankie Vaughan, Richard Stilgoe, Peter Frampton, Jasper Carrott, Hawkwind, Last Exit (pre-Police), Leo Sayer, Chuck Berry, Blue Jays (post-Moody Blues), Kraftwerk, Steeleye Span, James Last, Stylistics, Barry White, Mud, Dr. Hook and... the Bay City Rollers. I also worked numerous smaller shows like the Wrestling and various charitable events.

Alas- The Who & Led Zeppelin went to the Odeon, it had 2,500 seats (& a "proper" stage, if rather shallow). Pink Floyd didn't come to small chicken-shit venues those days either.

I don't recall ABBA coming to Newcastle, nor David Bowie, nor Rod Stewart. Nor a zillion others.

One day I'll take a trip to the Newcastle reference library and look at the microfilmed Evening Chronicles to see what I have forgotten.

One other improvement I noticed on the facilities list- a shower in the main dressing room.

UPDATED: I also recall Hot Chocolate, Manfred Mann, George Melly and lots of orchestral concerts by the Northern Sinfonia. (Hat tip GayMal for telling me Blue Oyster Cult was in twice).

Tomorrow Belongs to Me

Let me tell you the story of my first ever (paid) Gig. I had befriended Moose, the Newcastle City Hall stage Manager (or more officially, Custodian as far as the City Council was concerned) at my reccy visit for an upcoming school prizegiving and subsequently on the actual event in the summer of 1974. (Or was it 75? I'm starting to get confused when I search for references on 't'internet!)

He casually mentioned that he was looking for Humpers for the Sensational Alex Harvey Band that weekend and possibly a follow-spot during the show.

Now, as I'd never been paid for a show before at that stage (I was in 5th form at school) I said yes before I even knew what the rates were, or indeed what my plans were. It was £5 for humping- (Getting the flight cases out of the truck and then back in again afterwards) and £2 to be a showman.

It was all cash in hand, of course. The resident show crew were actually paid as part of the "Stewart list" (i.e. the door staff, otherwise known as Bouncers.)

The get-in was reasonably uneventful- a zillion wheeled flight cases to be trundled down the ramp, in the stage door, up a crude wooden board over the first three steps, through the stage left doorway, up another couple of steps onto the platform itself then to be left where the roadies wanted it. (Most went onstage but some went out to the mixing position, a few down to the dressing rooms and a couple of big heavy ones up to the back of the balcony. Whilst I wasn't familiar with the subtleties of rock & roll touring, I was able to recognise the purpose of much of the equipment once the lids came off.

Once the van was empty, the road crew would dismiss the house staff but welcomed those that wanted to hang around and lend a hand. The sort of jobs we would get were fairly typical at the time- help assemble the lighting trusses, Get the CSIs (follow-spots) rigged up onto their stands and tested, help roll out the Multicores. (The multicore was the thick sausage cable that linked the mixing position and the stage. It was generally ran out for both lighting and sound, often with sundry intercom cables as well.)

Running the multicore involved using up at least a roll or two of "Gaffa tape", generally grey or silver, single sided, fabric base, very sticky and relatively easily removable afterwards. We would put carpet strips over the cables in the main aisles and then ensure they were very well stuck down so that people didn't trip up.

The crew were very amiable, mostly Scots and very good at what they did. (SAHB were a scottish band).

For the actual show, this was my first introduction to wearing headphones with a boom mic on an intercom system, We wore a beltpack which also had a cue light on it to get your attention if you were "off cans" (e.g. during the interval). The cues and directions were called by the lighting designer (the LD),who was also operating the lighting desk. There were four of us that night (the two regular guys on the Hall followspots and another two of us on the brought-in followspots).

The actual show was a fairly easy one to work. I don't remember who the support was (or if we had to light them) but the LD explained who the band were, what they played and assigned us each to a musician. (I was given Zal Clementson, the outrageous Guitarist who wore a sort of cat suit, had white clown makeup and strutted). He called the lighting cues well to the point that we were able to second-guess them for great visual timing. We were also rather good at opening up on the right place without having to jerk scrappily into position or flash golfball-sized beams to check beforehand.

There was one big visual lighting cue, where the Band played "Delilah". In the middle 8, the band turned their backs on us and strutted their bums and our cue was to go tightly in onto their arses and follow them accordingly. We managed to pull it off seamlessly and we received high praise from the LD. Indeed he gave us tour T shirts afterwards as a thank-you.

One thing I didn't expect though, was how noisy it was wearing headphones. With 2,100+ frenetic fans screaming their lungs off we were having to shout to each other over the cans. At first it hurt, then you tuned in and got used to it. (Turning off our own boom mics unless we needed to say anything also helped). I didn't realise how loud it had been until I rang home from backstage after the gig- and thought the phone was faulty as I could hardly hear my mum.

I was also lined up for another Gig that night- SAHB were playing the Newcastle Mayfair Ballroom a few weeks later and it was such a notoriously bad get-in (being two floors underground with a goods lift the size of a filing cabinet) that the crew arranged for eight of us to participate in the Gig. I had really enjoyed them and I looked forward to a chance to see them again.

I didn't get a free Album on that occasion but I did buy "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" from Callers a few weeks later. SAHB also released delilah as a "Live" Single and I was delighted to see that the cover photos featured them at the City Hall, although I don't know if the recording was ours. One of those big white beams had me on the other end of it.

What I'm worth in REAL money...

This Great British Blog
is valued at:

£40,590.00

What is your
British Blog worth?

Hat tip- Guthrum, welcome to Blogpower.

Bad things happen in threes...

Blue Oyster Cult, 20th of November 1975, Newcastle City Hall. The first sign of trouble was when the noise boys balked at the position of the big plywood sheets centre stalls just under the balcony for their mixer. "Put them further back, and way off to the side, you don't want to be sitting there, trust me".

The get-in passed without incident, although they needed some dropping points from the roof to hang something or other. One of us went up into the roof and moved some sunfloods (rectangular floodlight fittings) out of the way to drop ropes, then someone else turned them on whilst they were face down on the timber walkways. (I was guilty of one of them, but I don't remember which one now with the passage of time. My mate Keith was the other culprit.)

Half an hour or so later, we heard a bit of a rumpus on the stage. (We were backstage doing something else).

It turned out that a small fire had started in the roof space and one of the roadies had seen the smoke. He was an ex-U.S. Fireman and he managed to put it out with a water extinguisher. Unfortunately, he didn't know his way round the roof space. Let me describe it to you.

At the top of the stage right stairwell was a half-height door leading into the roof space above the auditorium. When you opened it, you were confronted with a short wooden ladder which led up to a narrow walkway. You then had to duck down through a small triangular gap underneath a large steel roof girder at which point there was a curving timber ladder to your left which led to the criss-crossing ceiling walkways. you were actually traversing the upper surface of the ceiling fibrous plaster cornice and whilst it is very strong, it is not designed to be walked on directly.

(I can't find a decent photo, but here is the ceiling, from their website:



What the firefighter had done was to have scrambled up the light timber frame of the curved cornice the wrong side of the girder- consequently he managed to create a shoe shaped hole in the plasterwork. He was very lucky that he hadn't missed his footing and plunged to his probable death. He said afterwards that he hardly even registered what he had done as he was so single-mindedly determined to put that fire out.

(A week or two later, Jimmy the Joiner fitted numerous asbestos-type sheets all round the possible places plonker stage crew could have possibly put the sunfloods).

During the gig, it was still painfully loud, even with our standard issue Boots fibrous wax earplugs in place. Then something else scary happened in the second half. There was a US Navy ship docked down on the Tyne that week and a number of sailors came to see the show. Some of them managed to get backstage and decided to trash one of the toilets. They ripped the sinks and WC tanks off the walls and left it to flood. Unfortunately, it was a toilet high up on the same staircase as the roof void access and at the bottom was a large metal cabinet housing the stage lighting control panel & house light dimmers. So we had our very own internal waterfall cascading onto the electrical equipment! Fortunately, our House L/X (the Manager's Son) had the presence of mind to grab some black sacks from the (very wet) cleaner's store in a small kitchen below and others knew where the stopcocks were so a crisis was quickly just turned into a drama. We were delighted that the house lights came on again at the end of the evening !

Some time later, I asked the Manager what the damage had been financially after the ceiling hole got patched. He told me a figure with a twinkle in his eye- they had simply withheld some of it from the box office takings on the night and sent them a subsequent supplementary bill which was paid without question, once he had pointed out that the hire contract held the hirer liable for all damage, however caused.

Town Council Election

Whilst I am stepping down from the Town Council, 51 hopefuls are contesting for the 24 seats, twelve of them from the British National Party.

More analysis over at my political Blog, Morleygate.

Just call me the F.O.B.

Here is my birthday card from my LTLP (Long term life partner, otherwise known as "The Wife")


(It makes a change from being called "You Fat Bastard!")

Here is the personalised cake for her to let rip her creative talents...

(She couldn't think of anything!)

P.S. I'm 49.

Stavanger- 25 years later...

The Ferry terminal is very close to the main harbour at Stavanger. I thought it was from memory but had a fear that my memory might have been a false one.

On arrival, it all looked very familiar, with one big exception- the old dockside cranes have all gone. (It took me about twenty minutes to realise though!)

Taking panorama pictures, you overlap the joins and the camera takes care of it. Of course, if you cock up the overlaps, it makes a pigs ear of it as can be seen on the right hand dock!



On the left quay is the red building (or possibly one behind it) that was Skagen, the night club where I first learned of the legendary Amanda. Dickens, the most popular pub, was near the town end but is obscured by ships in the photos so not singled out.


One of the two red buildings on the right Quay was Crossed Fish, the Mobil building. I actually worked in a slightly smaller one behind it, although initially, I was in a former shop near Skagen and latterly in an office up the hill from Crossed Fish.



This is the Rosenberg shipyard opposite the harbour, where the Statfjord platforms were built. I wonder if the circular concrete structure is left over from the four legs used to support the B & C platforms?


Whilst (mini-)cruising, here are David & Karen posing for the camera...



The ship had a screen showing the Sat Nav...


Three shots of Haugesund. A little disappointing from the dock, although there are some cracking pictures HERE.

An unbirthday present...

Today is my last unbirthday until Wednesday.

To celebrate this, let me point you at twelve hours of entertaining podcasts from Andrew Gold...



...and a rather nice snippet of him and others from Bryndle.

Doctor Who and the French Dalek

Hat tip- Alien Nation

Proof of alien lifeforms?

Haugesund Popensemble

That lot singing "Amanda" in the last post appeared to be a real band with a hit. (Well, in Norway, anyway!). It seems they may have disbanded though.

It is called (roughly) Blame on me.

Amanda from Haugesund

When I lived in Stavanger, I went once or twice to a club near the Quay called the Red House. It held a "shrimp night" where they dragged out a boat onto the dance floor and you helped yourself.

They had a good house band that played all of the early 80's hits. As the night wore on, they moved onto Norsk favourites, two of which stick in my mind. The first was called Amanda fra (from) Haugesund and everyone sang along to the chorus, which went:

Ja, ingen ga meg en sådan stund
som Amanda i fra Haugesund.
Og ingen har slik en deilig munn,
den er som en rosenlund.
Jeg har hatt i mine arme
forskjellige deilige, varme,
men ingen var dog så god og rund
som Amanda i fra Haugesund!

(Source- Haugesund Council)

At the time, I didn't know what it meant, just that it was a good tune vaguely reminiscent to "Tulips from Amsterdam".

I've just translated it online:

Certainly , neither donated my a sådan while as Amanda in at Haugesund.
And neither has so a delicious morsel , that is paternal rosenlund.
I've had in mine the arm different delicious , ardour , but neither stayed dog saw plump as Amanda in at Haugesund!

Maybe it lost a bit in the translation, but she sounds a right dirty girl!

You can see a statue of her here, the Amanda is Norway's Oscar award.

There was another song which involved a horse and cart delivering the milk round the mountains. The chorus went:

Humpa Titten- Humpa Totten, Humpa Titten Hoya...

which was onomatopoeic- it was the noise of the bottles rattling together, as explained to me by my friend Hans who had to think about it and listen to the verse before he worked it out.

Update- YouTube has some Norwegians singing a bit of Amanda!

Another country house

Today, we went to Harewood House, north of Leeds, with the promise of a new science attraction. We have previously been Harewood Card holders (annual passes) but like all these things, the novelty wore off with extensive use and we eventually balked at the renewal price.

We gave the house a miss on this occasion and even with basic grounds admission and declining the 10% gift aid deal we didn't get much change from £30.

Passing the house, we headed for the new Yorkshire Planetarium, housed in three geodesic domes...


...but we are disappointed to find that they aren't finished yet. You could go into the middle one to find out about it and the estimated opening is for three weeks time. It looks promising, and their website has a blog that tells some of the challenges they are facing.


We then headed down to the bird garden, which is located behind the stable block.


The courtyard area is part of the cafe with gift shop nearby along with various corporate rooms.


On the way in to the garden, I noticed the zoo license, note the serial number. I saw the Blackppol Tower one too (for the aquarium) but the photo didn't come out for that one! I am saving up various animal photos for another posting.


There is an extensive play area which kept David amused for a while.


On the main lawn, there was the chance to practice circus skills.


Eventually, we began the long walk back to the overflow car park for the trip home.


We will go again to visit the Planetarium, but on a low season day or tied in with a bigger event.

Four days on a ship- with time off for good behaviour

Mini-cruising isn't quite the delight it sounds. The food and drinks onboard are rather expensive (£14 for burger & chips, £8 for a breakfast buffet, £3 for a half litre of Lager). The entertainment is so-so and time crawls round the clocks. I managed to finish two books though!

Here was our schedule.
TUESDAY
4:30pm- latest recommended arrival at South Shields Ferry terminal.
6:00pm Boarding starts- Searches, X Rays etc.
7:30pm- Departure- 1 hour late due to "extensive embarkation procedures"
They play "Anchors aweigh" through the ship's PA.
Sleep in the cabin on narrow bed- pitching, yawing and creaking. Ship on Norwegian time (+1 hour)
WEDNESDAY
3pm Arrival Stavanger- Departure 4pm
6pm Arrival Haugesund- Departure 6:30pm
11pm Arrival Bergen.
Everybody off the boat- through passport control and customs, then back into the lounge and re-boarding before midnight. Cabin delightfully stationary.
THURSDAY
Up at 8am, breakfast planned for McDonalds onshore, but found to be closed until 11am. Breakfast at 7/11 instead. (Coffee & DoNuts).
Return to ship 3:30ish. Board at about 4:15pm. Letters on bunks- only 3 engines, arrival everywhere will be late.
5pm Departure. Anchors Aweigh.
9:30pm Arrival Haugesund. Departure 22:00 (Anchors Aweigh, loud & long bi-lingual safety announcement in all cabins. noisy drunken neighbours in cabin next door, Cabin pitching, yawing and creaing again).
FRIDAY
00:30am Arrival Stavanger. Depart 01:30am- mostly managed to sleep through the safety announcement. I didn't notice if they played anchors aweigh that time.
Back to UK time (not that I bothered to change my watch, little englander that I am- or it might be that I don't know how to, it being radio controlled and all).
8pm Arrival at South Shields. Back on time, as they managed to make up the delay after originally forecasting 10pm.

The ship has three decks of public space but no lounges as such, just bars, a club room, restaurants, cafes & shops. It also seemed to have rather a surplus of expensive up-market restaurants- they probably would have taken more revenue (and satisfied more customers) with a large McDonalds.

In the hall of the mountain king

(You need to hum Edvard Grieg's Dovregubbens Hall from Peer Gynt, or go here)

Bergen tourist office- in a former banking hall.


The Bryggen Christmas shop...


...with a troll section.


David gets caught by the big troll!

Teach yourself Norwegian

Snakker du Norsk? (Do you speak Norwegian?)

Ya, Yeg Snakker Litt Norsk (Yes, I speak a little Norwegian)

Lesson 1. Essential Vocabulary

Reise- Trip, travel, voyage, journey
Syke- Sickness
Pose- Bag

Some random views of Bergen

The Hotel...


Hats with sewn-in pigtails...


David thought the Penguin costume was rubbish...


Higgledy-piggledy house...


It might have been cold but it could have been a lot worse...


I never expected that...

A conceptual telescope for Bergen

Found at the mountain top-

A close-up on the words

Here it is...


Remarkable. It was convex on the other side as well.

I wonder why I thought of Tommy (Banana) Johnson?

A ride down Fløibanen

Fløibanen, the Mount Fløyen cable railway, is probably the longest funicular I have been on. It was reminiscent of the Great Orme Tramway in its technology but not appearance, as it looks very sleek and streamlined. It is also much more rugged and steeper!

I filmed some of the seven minute journey (downwards)and have YouTubed it below.

Part one- leaving the upper station


Part two- approaching the crossover track at mid-point


Part three- arriving back at the lower station

Bergen in Cinerama

Bergen has a rather splendid funicular railway which takes you from the downtown harbour area to Fløyen, one of the seven mountains surrounding the bay. The view from the top is absolutely stunning, even on a cold, dull, April day.

Camera set to panorama mode Captain, ready for the three clicks!

You have been warned

This mug was a gift from the DFDS Kids Club. On the bottom, it had a warning sticker-

"Do no put this cup in a waching machine"

probably because the colours would run and it would make a horrible noise during the spin cycle!

Mini-cruise

We went on a cheap "mini-cruise" from Tyneside to Bergen, calling (briefly) at Stavanger and Haugesund.

Unfortunately, Bergen was closed!

(Well, not entirely, but it was "Holy Thursday" on the day we were there, so most of the shops were shut, as were many of the attactions. We were aware of this, having planned it via t'internet but many others on the ship were not...)

Two new magnets to adorn the fridge.


See, I have trolls in the posts as well as the comments!

INTERMISSION

Here is David on a Blackpool donkey, possibly the last time he will choose to ride one.

There now follows a short intermission. Chocolates and cigarettes are available in the foyer...

The Blackpool Tower itself

The Tower dominates the skyline of the town and has done for more than 110 years.

Modelled on the design of Paris (but much smaller) it is possible to take Otis glazed lifts to the tower top, if it isn't too windy.

The lowest level is enclosed and features a gift shop, as well as the bit with the glazed floor that does some people's heads in. The underside wasn't too clean when we visited!

It is in the south-west corner, you can just make it out in the tower photo above this one.


This is the north view, showing the north pier, the most old-fashioned of the three (it has a vintage carousel next to the end of pier theatre and is the least commercial of the three).

The upper levels are open to the elements. (There are three more accesible, but only the lowest one was open that day.) I took this shot to show the shadow of the tower across the town.

This is the outside equivalent view of the walk of faith.

Note the visual joke!

A rather hazy view to the south- the Pleasure Beach coasters can be just about seen.

We can also make out Blackpool's other theatrical landmarks. This is the Grand Theatre

The Winter Gardens complex (& Opera House)

The Odeon (now Funny Girls)

Of course, the engineer in me couldn't resist a photo through a viewing window- of the tower lift hoist room!

The tower ballroom

The ballroom in the Blackpool tower complex is the second such space, the original room being somewhat simpler with the band stage mid way down the north wall. The room was seriously damaged by fire in 1956 but was re-created exactly as the original, other than the addition of sprinkler systems. (The reservoir tank is the circus water arena.)

Whilst not a theatre, it is very theatrical in style, with serpentine balconies and onion-domed boxes flanking a proscenium-type platform stage.

Above the upper balcony, elaborate panels list names of composers and delightful paintings adorn the roof.

The central part of the roof was designed to slide back for ventilation and also provide a view of the stars on clear (non-rainy) nights.

The ballroom is home to the very famous Wurlitzer Organ, which rises from under-stage on a lift cinema-style and was installed in 1935. As it is continuous dancing, organists alternate between the Wurlitzer and an electronic Wersi Organ, seen behind which moves forward once the Wurlitzer is clear.

The Organ pipes are located above the proscenium, along with the usual effects like Glockenspiel, piano, chimes & toy shelf (percussion & effects like bird whistles, klaxons etc.)

I have to comment though, that the Organ is heavily amplified and as a consequence does not have the normal spatial imaging of a well installed Organ. Also, the requirement for strict tempo cramps the players style somewhat with regard to expression through timing.


The ballroom is never very busy during the day, but it is rare that the dance floor is empty either. Ladies and gentlemen, please take your partners for a waltz...

A closer look at rhe Tower Circus

(These photos were taken discreetly before and after the performance by available light without the use of a tripod and are consequently somewhat blurry).

The Tower Circus auditorium sits at the base of the four tower legs. The steelwork is skillfully concealed by elaborate ornate plasterwork with rich arabesque designs. The circular ring is surrounded by stepped arena seating and there are four balconies supported on the rirst cross-members bracing the legs.

Theatre-style boxes are incorporated into two of the tower legs, although one of them is given over to a technical control room.

Three of the four balconies are substantially deeper than the fourth to the north- originally they were all the same when the circus was plainer but when the ballroom and circus were reconstructed by Frank Matcham he enlarged the ballroom to improve the proportions and make it less narrow. This incursion can be seen in the form of the vertical wall above the balcony.

Four curved supporting girders create arches to near-ceiling height. (Above the central structure is the pit for the tower lifts, although there is roof access to a void below this for circus artistes to descend from the ceiling level when required). Four large roll-up screens can be seen beyond the arched girders- these date back to a season of laser shows in the 80s.

This photo of the south-West tower leg walkway shows that the structural steelwork is never very far away and occasionally emerges to the surface.

This toilet access stairway shows another cross-member and indeed lots of little rooms have been squeezed into odd shaped spaces.

The Circus ring has two vomitories (North & South) with the Band over the South one. The ring floor is mounted on a large hydraulic ram and can be lowered in order to flood the ring for the traditional water Finale'.

This shot taken after the show had finished shows the ring slowly returning to normal level. (The circular fixture with lights and water jets was placed centre-stage before the Finale', although various jets can squirt up from various nozzles around and under the ring as well as from the ceiling fixtures. Those things that look like elastic bands hanging down are exactly that- there is a rather odd bungee-jump act to finish the show.

Speaking of the show- it consists of world class acts performing impressive (and some of them hazardous) routines. It is also very multi-culti, with Chinese plant pot balancers & Bungee jumpers, Russian acrobats & quick-change artists, Czech foot jugglers, Eastern European wheel of death & tightrope walkers & even Mooky's younger brother (English with Hungarian roots) juggling from the back of a motor-trike. It is also anchored with some very colourful costume and dance numbers, the theme being "Mooky's Maskerade".

The show even featured Mooky in a comedy routine with three elephants, although they were really six people in rather clever costumes.

There were three dodgy moments during the show- an acrobat fell when trying to be springboarded onto someone else's shoulders, a highwire man fell (and managed to grab the rope) when trying to climb on the back of another and a trick that involved bouncing a ball up a large ladder construction went wrong. Each time, the turns composed themselves and had another (successful) go.

The circus is worth more than the cost of admission to the Tower and well worth travelling long distances for, but you have to tune out the hard sell of tat. Sit towards the north (back to the ballroom, the side with the Tower Circus in lights over the ring entrance) and the lower the better.

Beside the seaside...

The Blackpool Tower Circus opened yesterday. We thought a trip to "Tower World" would be a nice day out for us with Grandma Dot & Cousin Katie.
Tower world is the vast building that houses all sorts of different activities, so much that you could spend all day there. It also has some gems of Victorian architecture, notably by Matchless Matcham.

It is home to two particularly stunning rooms in the complex.

The Ballroom...

...and the Circus.

A trip to the top of the tower also gives you a chance to conquer your fear on the "walk of faith" 380 feet above street level.


More to come!

Just in case you are wondering...

...what a Delicolor is, it is a vintage stage lighting control.



It was designed by Rollo Gillespie Williams who moved from Holophane to Furse in the 1940s.

The Delicolor bits are to the left and bottom (and right on the uncropped picture if you click through). You turned the dial to the desired colour, wound the handles... and Voila!

Meet Mr. April 2003

A love of flying, playing guitars and wearing regalia distinguishes Tony, our Batley President that year.

(Of course, a Ukelele would have sufficed...)