Tonsorial tales

Tonight we had a trip to Mr. Gee for an occasional crop. I was beginning to look a little shaggy, or was that more like Doddy?

Sitting getting trimmed, the barbershop dialogue revolved around Christmas Presents. One clipper was surprised to have been given a Safe by her Mum. More sensible than it sounded- she had moved four times in the last year and is now having to fork out to replace mislaid documents.

Another Customer had got a hedge trimmer but had to stop using it due to school home time- he had been turfing the cuttings over the school wall it seems!

David assured me that he wouldn't be doing "Bats" but caught me with a "Bats no revengies", the Geordie celebration of having a haircut not dis-similar to happy-slapping passed down from generation to generation in the playground.

The rules are simple. If you spot someone who has obviously had a haircut, shouting Bats! entitles the observer to gently slap the haircut. The victim can then call revengies! and reciprocate the .

The haircutee can claim No-Bats! in order to prevent the initial bat and the assailant can claim No revengies! to prevent reciprocation, but it is first to speak in order to define precedent.

My standard riposte now is to dash into the house shouting Revengies, No Bats! which entitles me to get my retribution in first. I'd best not try it in the Council Chamber though...