More radio days...

I went to a conference all about Community Radio this weekend. It was held at Urbis, the landmark glass wedge shaped Manchester Museum that looks a cross between a futuristic ship and the lid for a cheese board. I’ve been to Urbis a couple of times now and have mixed feelings about it as a space. For all the dramatic styling, it is also rather bland internally with its plain white finishes & shopping centre ironmongery once you grow accustomed to the scale and layout. I much prefer the Lowry Centre with vibrant use of colour and the fact that it is performance space, which I always find more exciting than display space. Not that I am decrying the Urbis museum aspects- the City displays are fascinating on the various levels through the building and it is currently free as well so definitely worth at least one visit. They do encourage you to visit the first floor gallery (that isn’t free) and the motivation for that has to be the contents. It is currently photos and artefacts of the rock scene by a photographer called Nick Rock and only time prevented me on this occasion as the teasers looked very interesting.

Urbis has a conference suite on the ground floor and this was the main venue for CommunityFM 2005. However, the event was targeted at a number of different streams of community radio activists, from complete beginners all the way up to fully fledged existing stations looking to increase their sustainability, so there were a number of parallel sessions billed as workshops. To accommodate this, the nearby Cathedral visitors centre was pressed into use which had four meeting rooms of various sizes. It was a short stroll away from Urbis, close enough to be convenient but far enough to become tedious traipsing back and forth for coffee breaks and the like.

What were my overall impressions of the event? A curious mixture of both elation and despair. Elation, because I met a number of people who I found highly motivating. Despair, because the mindset from the attendees mainly seemed to revolve around collectivism rather than individualism. A session on funding talked at length about various sources but most of them were government agencies or quangos who redistributed taxation according to perceived merit (generally driven by flavour of the month). A strong element of getting a community radio license is demonstrating something called “social gain” but the more you scrape away at the surface of this the more it looks to me like “social engineering.” One session on programming put up a list of people that should be included in Community Radio, which looked like a local authority political correctness sensitivity training course. My flippant comment that we therefore exclude everyone else not listed got a big laugh but some thoughtful looks as well. There was an unchallenged assumption that the private sector were big bad bogeymen out to derail anything the community sector did. Something else I gradually became aware of was that many of the attendees got their take-home pay from the community sector rather than being unpaid enthusiasts and that the volunteers weren’t really in the driving seat.

All is not lost, however. A toolkit was launched with some very sensible advice in it about not getting sucked into the requirements of the various social agencies and turning output into some horrible manifestation of Town hall FM. I met at least one individual who recognised that the cap in hand model to the government wasn’t sustainable and that they would concentrate on fund raising across a range of different approaches. I found out buckets of information about things I hadn’t appreciated or investigated, not all of it what I wanted to hear…

I'll be taking a blogging break for a few days, more of the conference and other matters in due course.

Rather tyred...

I took the motor into an ATS to get the burst one replaced, which was stinking out the boot with cold burnt rubber. (Why do I think of Billy Connolly? Oh yes, his stated objections to Condoms) You will put the new one on front offside, worn one in the boot and check the torque on the wheel I changed? Yes sir, of course Sir. ...By the way, the front offside is wearing down, it is still comfortably legal but you should be aware of it. OK, I'm not too bothered if it is the spare. Yes, we'll see to that...

later, it struck me that the new tyre didn't look particularly new. There was a good reason for that, it was because it was actually in the tyre well in the boot. Now I wonder, did they even check the torque on the front nearside or just put the hub cap back on?

The smell of burning rubber...

I had a high speed blowout tonight on the motorway. Not a crash & burn one, more a bang!- what was that- it can't be the tyres, the handling hasn't changed but I'll ease off anyway hmm, getting a little lumpy! type of blowout.

I was close enough to my exit junction to slowly exit on the hard shoulder with hazards going, but by a few hundred yards I needed to pull in. After having a look (front nearside, I had assumed it was back nearside due to keeping control) I rang the AA & as they said no more than 75 minutes, had a go at changing the wheel myself. Last time I tried I couldn't get the nuts off, but that was alloy wheels, these were more straight-forward. The AA man then rang me as his directions weren't clear, but I was able to tell him he wasn't needed any more. The local tyre change garages were all closing, so it looks like a job for tomorrow.

War in the North...

I can highly recommend the exhibition at the Imperial War museum North which looks at war from a local (i.e. Northern England) perspective.

Their own description sums it up:

Focusing on the highs and lows of the Home Front, The North at War explores the impact of both world wars on men, women and children living in the north of England. The exhibition starts with celebration and moves on to examine experiences of loss, pain and threat, culminating in the hopes and aspirations felt by many as war ends and peace begins. With an engaging mix of objects and personal stories, this will be one of the highlights in the 60th anniversary commemorations of the end of the Second World War.

The Special Exhibitions Gallery is an extraordinary and compelling space, unrivalled in the UK. One of the largest temporary exhibition galleries outside of London, its unique design provides a powerful setting for a diverse range of major national and international exhibitions.

Of particular poigniancy are the visitor comments written on an old style "clock card" and tied to a frame for all to read. We have added one, it turns out that my Mum in Law brought an unexploded incendiary device into the house from the garden & put it in a drawer...

One downer today- the lift up to the viewing platform on the "air shard" was out of order today, 161 steps up, my thighs still ache!

also in memorium...

...Coppersblog, that has gone off the air other than a holding page, after massive exposure in the Mail on Sunday last week.

I don't know if the grief is from his ISP, his Bosses or the secret squirrels, but he was bound to be rumbled eventually.

His blog banner says: A Journey into the mad, mad world of the British underclass and the Public sector, where nothing is too insane for it to be written down and copied in triplicate. VIEWS EXPRESSED PROBABLY DON'T REFLECT OFFICIAL POLICY. "This blog will do more to put people off calling the police than anything, other than actually calling the police."

He painted a picture of policing for the dull reality it probably is.. very frustrating at times, careful what you say for all the professional victims, endless form filling, echelons of non-jobs and knee jerk initiatives to jump on Government bandwagons etc.

His closedown will cause waves in the blogosphere, 131 comments on his holding post and counting...

In memorium...

...I have heard news of two people I knew from the past who have died recently.

The first was Phil Rose, the Factory manager at CCT Theatre Lighting and an old-timer from Strand Electric in the days before Rank Strand. I spent many an hour sitting with him talking about why things were the way they were in the Stage Lighting world, both old and new. Pride of place on the wall near his desk were original lighting rig plans for the London Palladium in the 40s that I recognised as an illustration from one of Fred Bentham's Stage Lighting books. The last time I saw Phil was at Fred's Funeral and we promised to keep in touch, but other than swapping a couple of emails we were both somewhat remiss. Apparently the funeral will be on October 13th near Fleet, Hants and Jim Laws should have the details.

The other person was Bill Furness, the Stage Manager and eventual Chief Projectionist at the Newcastle Odeon who I remember well from my teens, as recounted here. His Son, Roger Furness, tracked me down & left a comment on the blogpost and also took the trouble to email me directly. The funeral is tomorrow at 11am in Blyth.

New studio equipment

The Hesh (standing) and Martin Green (seated) try out the studio...

Another week in Morley...

...we had six new faces to a Morley FM open evening. One of them was someone's mum, though, and possibly doesn't count!

...The Town Council met. I complained about decisions being referred to Council without any significant background information or justification, just a sentence or two in Committee Minutes. Are we supposed to scrutinise ourselves or just rubber stamp everything?

...I also complained about the Mayor deciding to make mini speeches during debate. In his role as Chairman, I feel it is important that he ensures fair debate in the chamber and keeps his own views reasonably quiet. The views weren't anything off have told us we have to stick to ten watts.ensive but I think there is a principle here, it is a position of privilege which could unduly influence others.

All of the studio bits have now arrived from the supplier, we can now trigger the computer from the mixer via a little game port adapter device. We push up the fader and the computer thinks someone has pushed a joystick button!

I am refining my "First kata" at karate. Now that the pattern and the moves are committed to memory, comes the realisation that higher grades are much more expressive and elegant in performing what is essentially a style of performance Ballet.

The Radio station has also had an expression of sponsorship interest from a local double glazing company, an offer of cheap corporate membership from a local gym for our (non-existent) staff, then finally OfCom have told us we will have to stick to 10 watts for our December broadcast. They have very kindly sent an expected coverage map though...

Big Bin Brother...

Last week, Leeds City Council fitted our recycle bin with an RFID tag, a little passive device that spits out a unique number when interrogated electronically. A team descended on the close, following a well ordered drill. The first bloke drilled a hole in the bin with a battery operated power drill, the second popped the device in the hole and the third recorded the house number on a hand-held device with a large aerial. I happened to be out at the time, collecting the black bin when this all happened. Us having two bins caused a momentary problem for them as a) there isn't a house number on it, and b) it appears to be unusual to have two green bins (although the council are happy to let people have as many as they want if there is a need.

We had been forewarned that this was happening by a letter a couple of weeks ago- also giving the reason.

"This is being done in order for us to ascertain the weight of materials being collected and will help with future management decisions."

I thought the phrase sounded slightly sinister, as it might herald taxation by quantity. Will we get chastised for producing too much, or not enough? Will we get snotty letters saying green bin number 2 has little in because we don't evenly distribute the stuff between both of them? When will they trill and fit the black bins?

Of course, these schemes always have unintended consequences. My parents used to put household waste in the street bin as they ran a shop and would be charged extra if the business bin was insufficient (which it was). I can see us distributing garden waste around town down our trouser legs as per the great escape...

And the bunfights continue...

My "pseudo friends" the Morley Borough independents continue to fight political warfare with the local Labour Party through the pages of the local rag. This time, the issue is over the non-reappointment of David Dewhirst, a School Governor who is also the Chair of the Body I serve on. I was surprised to read that he had not been re-appointed as a local authority representative at the end of his term, although I have to admit that I wasn't aware his time was up, having had Town Council clashes with recent meetings. I also wasn't that aware (or interested) what type of Governor he was as it shouldn't actually make any difference to how the role is carried out. He is a well known Labour Party Activist and somewhat of a political animal in his views, although he is also a Head Teacher in the day job and makes a good Chair. He stepped into the role after the original Chair stood down last year after a long stint, there being no obvious candidate at the time. Over the last three weeks and several letters, The political bun fighting implied that this whole business had thrown the school into disarray and there were various accusations of lack of communication on both sides, neither of which sounded totally convincing. The alternative appointee is young Gareth Beevers who certainly lives close to the school but he is no intellectual heavyweight and doesn't have the years of Educational experience the former incumbent has. It seems to me that the appointment was political, although I'm sure it probably was back in 2001 as well- that's what City Councillors tend to do when they are in control. There was the suggestion made that if DD still wanted to be a Governor there were plenty of opportunities at other schools, but the idea of GB taking up such an opportunity wasn't mooted.

Anyway, my Minutes of the last Governor meeting turned up this week and it seems that this had all been predicted and planned for last July- the Governing Body was keen for him to re-stand and in the event of him not being re-appointed by the LEA he was going to be co-opted before election of Chair so that he could carry on in the role. This annoyed me somewhat as this was not mentioned in any of the correspondence- after all it deflates the spin considerably and doesn't make Finnigan & Co look quite so cruel and uncaring when looked at in context. Who writes these letters from local Labour party people, is Alistair Campbell still on the payroll?

I was vaguely tempted to write in but why bother, that is simply sinking down to their level and it is rather stinky down there, in amongst the fag ends, leaves and dog turds. Instead, I can vent my spleen and blog about it here, knowing it won't get edited or omitted, but probably unread and/or ignored!

By the way, if anyone is concerned that I may be betraying confidences, whilst Governor meetings are generally closed meetings, the Minutes of the meetings are public documents and are readily open for inspection by the public (other than confidential Minutes related to items such as salary etc.)

PCs not too PC...

I was at an event for Town & Parish Councillors last night, organised by the Police Authority. A number of senior Bobbies pontificated on concerns close to the audience's hearts, namely Anti-social behaviour, Neighbourhood Policing and Response times.

The subject of travellers inevitably came up. I was slightly stunned (and rather pleased) to hear a particularly robust explanation of a particular approach to policing based on intolerance of crime rather than the normal softly-softly wait for the court order approach. The senior officer described what sounded very much like borderline harassment through intense scrutiny of the travellers (who she deliberately referred to as "Gypsies" several times)- frequently visiting, checking for documents, tax discs, making them pick up fly tipping etc. and advising them that the farmer who owned the land had filled his muck spreader with pig excrement and was happy to take his tractor round the field. It seems it was successful, they upped and went.

When I say pleased, I don't mean that I was pleased the Police were harassing particular members of the public with a different lifestyle, more that I was pleased that the Officer didn't feel the need to use the woolly phrases of left liberal speak such as protected minorities, human rights, dignity and that really scummy one- appropriate behaviour. (i.e. what the speaker considers acceptable).

Unsurprisingly, a Councillor savaged the Officer verbally later on, saying she had Gypsy roots in her own family and it was an outrageous slur on an oppressed minority, at which point two or three others in the audience clapped vigourously in approval. However, there must have been another fifty of so in the room who remained indifferent to her outburst. The Officer pointed out that this was not general West Yorkshire Police policy for all Gypsies, many of whom do not cause trouble. That one particular encampment it seemed had been particularly anti-social...

New radio studio for Morley FM

I've been a bit busy in my spare time since Monday, when the collection of four large boxes resulted in finding that our new studio was a voyage of discovery rather than the plug & play solution promised in the blurb. Sharp words have been sent via email concerning all of the various missing bits & the apparent lack of testing although most of it seems to be working fine so far, touch wood.

I can see my weekend being rather busy soldering up temporary cables for specialised bits not supplied that should have been- a relay-switched 12v on-air sign triggered by a jack plug closure and a three jack plugs to joystick socket for triggering the computer playback.

This is the second thing I've bought from them and I currently have a 50% satisfaction rate, although the first thing was an RDS encoder board (in a jiffy bag) so they would have been hard pressed to cock that order up.

By the way, RDS is Radio Data System, the thing that makes your Radio say "MorleyFM" if you happen to be in the area on December 13th for 12 days...

Another by the way...the MOAS panto will be Snow White, 9th-12th February at Morley Town Hall. There were two letters of praise for last weeks show in todays Obtiser, I'd be more convinced though if one of them wasn't from the Hubby of one of the Soloists!

Morley entertainers

The MAOS (Morley Amateur Operatic Society) have been running a 5 night musical extravaganza this week in the Town Hall. They normally do an annual Panto there (in February, it's a Yorkshire thing) and another show in the Leeds Civic Theatre, however, the Leeds Civic is closing (to be relaced by a new venue) and the Society presumably decided that it was safer to come back to Morley this Autumn.

The Alexandra Hall is by no means an ideal theatre venue, being a concert hall with platform stage and no wing space. There are staircases down either side of the platform with a crossover passage behind. A further staircase leads down to two dressing rooms and the platform of the smaller Morleian hall which doubles as additional dressing room space for shows. The society has a fit-up stage made from scaffolding, dressed with red borders, proscenium pieces and a gold front Tabs (which looks rather lacking in fullness when in (i.e. the curtains are closed). With wing pieces and cloths, it makes a passable stage but it must be an absolute pig for the performers getting on and off in the cramped space beyond.

Another thing that lets the venue down is the lighting- all energy lamps and fluroescent fittings which have to be switched off in a number of visual jerks. A sound and lighting rig are imported though, which do their job admirably- the performers are brightly lit and clearly heard.

The Society has a number of talented performers and many of the numbers were very well done indeed, particularly the South Pacific, Fiddler on the Roof and Oliver! numbers. The kids performed well, with just the right mix of enthusiasm without the sickly fixed smiles of the precocious stage school starlets. The set was simple (a sort of leafy abstract jungle) and it was nicely reinforced by a Powerpoint presentation that was informative visually without being too much of a distraction.

The show wasn't perfect, by any means- some singers were flat or struggling on occasions and one or two of the props went wrong, including a broom head during the matchmaker routine which amused the four dancers without them actually corpsing. The choreography mostly worked well & the energy of all the performers was excellent.

The blanks of Annie's Gun (the Wild West Annie, not the one with the dog) made everyone jump and the finale of Barnum! numbers brought the house down, there were even some circus skills in evidence (although the harlequin clown appeared to be juggling with only two balls, a detail that probably passed most of the audience by).

I'd like to recommend that everyone goes to see it, but alas, all good things come to a close. However, they will be doing a Panto in February!

(I just did a search to see what the next show is. Whilst I didn't find that, I did find that they are actually the MORLEY TECHNICAL INSTITUTE AMATEUR OPERATIC SOCIETY and a registered charity, with the following purpose: THE OBJECT OF THE SOCIETY IS TO EDUCATE THE PUBLIC IN THE DRAMATIC AND OPERATIC ARTS AND TO FURTHER THE DEVELOPMENT OF PUBLIC APPRECIATION AND TASTE IN THE SAID ARTS (FOR FURTHER DETAILS SEE RULES)..

I'm also pleased to see that they make a (small) surplus on their turnover of circa 25k, although their accounts appear to be late!)

Institutional racism?

In case the reference of one extreme to the other was a bit oblique, in 1982 I swapped a very cold Norway for a very hot Saudi Arabia, although it has to be said that society was also diametrically opposite as well!

Saudi struck me as what I initially took to be a very racist place. The Arabs were top of the pecking order, with Yanks trailing second place. Canucks were third, Brits were fourth, followed by white europeans. Filipilos did most of the practical graft and at the bottom of the pile were Koreans who appeared to make up the road gangs. There didn't seem to be too many Indians (or Pakistanis) although I later discovered that they tended to work in the Countries with former British influence, where you were likely to find Cable & Wireless.

I eventually realised that Aramco was not strictly racist, they just chose employees to meet their skill requirements and paid the going rate according to the home economy (which hurt when I found that Canadians were earning twice what I was, but that is market forces for you). They quite happily gave a new Indian employee Bachelor accommodation on site in with my Brit friends because he was a Brit according to his passport and the colour of his skin was irrelevant in the decision.

There was one genuine bit of institutional racism they could be accused of, however. If we weren't Muslims, we were infidels and all second class citizens, or maybe third class, as Muslim women were of course second class by culture but probably technically had rank over us...

From one extreme to the other...

...I spent most of 1982 in Saudi Arabia, working for Nortel as a "Consultant" on Contract to Aramco in Dhahran on the Eastern province. It was a year of frustration as the job wasn't quite what it was meant to be, I was effectively on 1st line maintenance with another American who didn't actually need any assistace most of the time. He was called Barry Hensley and he was a good egg. He came from Nashville Tennessee, he had even fixed Tammy Wynette's phone system when he worked for the Telco there. He had his family over living on-site and I had a pleasant three weeks house-sitting for him later in the year.

I lived in the Aramco Construction Camp, known as A.C.C. Dhahran North. I had my own room (with sink) and shared a toilet and shower with another room, never actually seeing the resident during the 12 months. The block was built from portacabin-style buildings and had 24 rooms. These were the luxury ones- the next type down had 36 rooms with communual showers/toilets sinks. Then there were the 72 bed twins and the 144 bed blocks where they were bunked four to a room. The higher density blocks were the same size as the 36ers, just more bodies.

I probably wasn't entitled to a 24 room type room but some strings were pulled as there was a phone in the room (which my predecessor had occupied).

The camp had several dining halls, two of which served western food. The smaller one had American fayre which included a lot of Mexican specials. The larger one was more Brit-based and did a lot more curries!

There was also an indoor cinema, an outdoor one, a couple of recreation halls & a ball park. It was rather bleak, however, and had 10,000 residents.

Saudi seemed a bit crazy back in 1982. I recently stumbled on a Blogger from Saudi with a robust view of the Kingdom, I'm surprised how little has changed over the last couple of decades...

Hot, sweaty & breathless...

...but now I have a Karate yellow belt. The grading for adults is considerably more stringent than for kiddleywinks and so it should be.

The hardest bit I found was doing the kicks in a 4-stage slo-mo, e.g. knee up, kick out, leg back, knee down for each leg in four directions (front, side to front, side, back). There were the same number of instructors as students and I was relieved to see that quite a few of them wobbled as well as me whilst attempting to balance.

It is heritage weekend...

...and once again, many interesting (& probably a few dull) buildings outside the Capital are open for visits from the general public free of charge, from the obsessed to the merely curious.

Today, we went to Halifax, for a chance for me to go inside three buildings that I've seen hundreds of times over the last seven years.

Our first port of call was the Magistrates Courts in Blackwall, just up the road from the Halifax Head Office (as was pre-HBOS) and just down the road from Provident Insurance. We were shown round the three main courts as well as the state of the art cell block. Whilst it was good to be guided by practicing Magistrates, their spiel was rather dull, being lifted from a potted history document. When they veered off-script, however, they became much more interesting. Time and "modernisation" haven't been too kind to the building but it still bears the hallmarks of competent design and construction that I doubt the courts in the centre of Leeds will share in the 22nd Century.

One particularly incongruous modern addition is the secured dock, bullet proof glass and strong mesh ceiling in court 1, with a similar floor to near-ceiling arrangement in the much smaller court 2 which is more chapel sized compared to the more imposing court 1 which is a substantial space. Interestingly, the larger court has been internally reversed through 180 degrees but retains the style & woodwork to the extent that it is not at all obvious other than some unaccounted for space at high level beyond the Bench which presumably was the original public gallery. One visual coffee stain that would pass by the untrained observer is the shadow of the roof space catwalk above the Art Nouveau laylight inserted in the ceiling panel presumably at the turn of the last century.

The cells are a modern re-work of the upper level block (the lower ones being abandoned for prisoner use) but whilst clean and bright are extremely bleak indeed. All they have inside is a long bench on the far wall and that certainly isn't a place I'd wish to visit in anger, so to speak.

Our second stop was the Town Hall, designed by Sir Charles Barrie best known for the houses of Parliament. Again, this building has been mucked about with internally, although the ornate schemes remain. It has a very large internal hall that we would now call an atrium, although it doesn't let in too much light from the very peculiar multi-domed ceiling glazed in deep blue starred stained glass. Despite being fairly brightly lit it feels dismal and gloomy, the effect of the high-bay Sodium lighting & the green-ish colour scheme. The Council Chamber was inserted into a rather loft court room in 1901 and is slightly sombre with dark polished mahogany but a well designed and intimate space. The current Mayor's Parlour is a vibrant room and an antidote to the more sombre spaces elsewhere.

The grand staircase is marred somewhat by a picket-gate style unusual lift (with two entrances at right-angles) that is a period piece in its own right but does distort the openness and balance of the staircase visually. Another much larger glazed dome is above, beyond which is the tower and huge spire complete with an extremely busy facade and statuary worthy of closer study. The clock has a Westminster Chime although the bells sounded slightly sharp to me.

David ensured he sat in the Mayor's chair of course, a pastime of his in Public Buildings!

Our third and final visit was to Somerset House, a much mangled and almost forgotten Georgian Mansion House in the centre of the Town. It has one remarkable surviving large room with absolutely stunning rococo plasterwork. I took two snapshots of the detail (actually six, with three combinations of flash setting) and here they are below. They are available light so aren't pin sharp, however the flash ones are much flatter and don't do the bas relief justice. If you click on them, you can see a much bigger image. You can place these shots in context by following the hyperlink above. It also seems from this picture that there is concealed cornice lighting, although it wasn't lit on our visit.



This is Britannia above the Mantlepiece. Note the date, 1766.


This is Neptune on the ceiling in the centre of the room, viewed from the entrance door side facing three double height bay windows.

David put up with the visits but would have preferred less talking by the guides and more sitting in the various seats...

What was that book again?

In my youth, I spent some time doing acting type stuff with other youngsters associated with the Tyneside Theatre Company of the University Theatre in Barras Bridge. They had a rehearsal rooms practically under the High Level Bridge, known, rather unimaginatively as "The Warehouse", because it was.

It was generally devoid of anything beyond basic furniture, however a paperback book once appeared in one of the rooms. When it was still there months later, my mate Keith decided to take it home to read. He passed it on to me and I enjoyed it as well.

It was a sci-fi book about an inventor who had designed a futuristic town then managed to get run over by his own automatic lawnmower. The Town Hall Computer (in the basement) whisch seems to control everything is actually a crock of junk, booby trapped and made from random electronics, including a Norden bombsight. Beyond, they eventually find a room where the real power lies & it seems the Town mayor was fiddling things. I also recall this was my first exposure to the word Cupola.

Why am I typing it here? Well, one day, someone else will glide past and tell me what the book was called and who the author was, so that I can read it again.

If I don't post this up, I'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of my life. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of fat middle aged eccentrics don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.

(exits gracefully, singing:- You must remember this / A kiss is still a kiss / A sigh is just a sigh / The fundamental things apply / As time goes by. / And when two lovers woo, / They still say, "I love you" / On that you can rely / No matter what the future brings-...)

(This post was brought to you by random thought processes...)

Want to understand about ID cards?

Click on this link to be informed about the benefits of ID cards to Society.

From, the people that brought us the cute singing dogs, a tribute to the Home Secretary.

Thursday, July 14th 1983...

...started like any other. I rolled up to the office of Northern telecom (UK) Ltd in Maidenhead, visited the coffee dispenser for a mugful, checked my faxes for anything important, then ripped June 13th off my desk calendar.

This wasn't any ordinary calendar, however, it was Polyunsaturated PEDIGREE NOT 1983 (with ADDED QN7), a spin-off sheet-per-day merchandise product of the then defunct Not the Nine O' Clock News, designed to cash in on the Christmas trade. (Dilbert hadn't been invented then so Engineers latched onto anything funny or surreal).

As was my want, I read the back of the outgoing sheet before putting it in the bin. Occasionally, I would chortle and show it to one or two others if it was particularly funny.

That day, I made the mistake of drinking at the same time and the result was a coffee spray and lots of coughing & gurgling. A colleague of mine picked it up, read it then started howling with laughter. Another took a look and fell off his chair. By mid day, practically everyone with a sense of humour had been to the photocopier.

What had amused us so much? Well, by the miracle of eBay, I am able to reproduce it below. It is written in the style of a ladies' comic quiz such as found in Woman's Own or Woman's Realm. (Or at least, it starts off that way!)

(I have to forewarn you that it contains a word or two not used in polite circles. To avoid upsetting Corporate firewalls, I have shuffled the letters up. Perservere with your pencil, and you will be able to unscramble it, although make sure you have some smelling salts to hand if you faint readily. Although a walk in the presence of builders or schoolchildren will find such words used as punctuation these days...)

How romantic is your chap?

Complete the quiz below and find out just how high he scores in the romance stakes!!!

His favourite name for you is...
a ( ) Sweetness, prettiness, honeypie, petal...
b ( ) Babe, baby.
c ( ) Bunny, squirrel nutkin.
b ( ) Cnut.

He wants to make love to you, he says...
a ( ) Nothing - but he tells you with his eyes, his hands.
b ( ) Hey babe/baby - lets get down on it.
c ( ) Kissy kissy.
d ( ) Get your frock off, cnut.

You're in the midst of a blazing row, you're most likely to end the evening...
a ( ) Laughing and hugging.
b ( ) Sharing a joint, injecting each other.
c ( ) Over his knee getting a good spanking.
d ( ) Unconscious/told to kcuf off because you're a cnut.

His favourite part of you is...
a ( ) Every little bit of you.
b ( ) Breasts, buttocks
c ( ) Your funny little nose.
d ( ) Cnut.




Afterthought... We received a shared account into the Nortel Corporate WAN a couple of days later. Alex, the Software Specialist, solemnly announced that the password was set to "FROCKOFF", which we revitalised every time the system would let us...